Friday Night Lament: Fuzzball held hostage 14 Trapped! by Fuzzball Listen, Kits and Kittens! Hear that sound? That's the snicker of the Heinous Heathens as they giggle behind my back. Me! Fuzzball! Imprisoned under a recliner since last we met. I'm still here - listening to them climb my six-foot scratchy post, play in my hidey-hole in the closet, and surf the Disney Channel for reruns of the Mouseketeers. HEY! YOU BETTER NOT BE WEARING MY EARS!

Sorry. I didn't mean to yell. I'm hoping Mom will take a break from reading her Changeling books and notice that the Fuzzball isn't around. Woe and Pity on Me. It used to be that she'd notice the second that I wasn't gracing the room with my presence. Now I'm lucky if she notices me once an hour… And listen to that kitten sitting beside the recliner. She keeps saying "why can't we all just get along?"

Okay. Fine. We. Will. Get. Along. Now let me out.

Ahhhhhh! Daylight! Crunchies in a bowl. Fresh Milk. Litter box. CIVILIZATION!

Well well well. Look who is coming down the hall. *Mom* M. O. M. The one who is supposed to shower me with adoration and praise. Instead, she showered me with kittens. Big Whoopee. Thanks, Mom.

What's this? She's picking me up and rubbing my soft velvety ears and cooing to me. AT LAST! She knows how I've suffered. She's going to make it up to me! Oh thankyouthankyouthankyou! All will be right with the world again. She keeps saying something to me. Perhaps I should listen. NO! Mom wants me to help name the kittens! Heaping coals on the fire - now she wants me to name my perdition.

Gag me! Listen to the cutsey-poo names she's trying out. The widdle precious ones are sleeping side by side all curled up together - and she's buying it! She thinks they are sweet. "Aren't they adorable, Fuzzball?" "I bet they just keep you SUCH good company!" Pardon me, hairball coming up… "Thelma and Louise" "Velvet and Violet" "Purrier and Ivy" "Marsh and Mellow" You know something? I don't like them but I couldn't do THAT to them! "Gidget and Bridget" "Knit and Purl" Oh Sweet Heavens! Mom, let me offer some sensible suggestions that fit their personalities. You know, the naming of cats is a difficult matter… Okay, how about 'Golum and Smeagol?' 'Mischief and Mayhem?' "Felony and Miss Demeanor?' OH!! I know! We can name them using a phrase from one of Mom's favorite Changeling authors!!! 'Fuck and Tard'!