by Alecia Monaco Hello to all you Cheeky Changelings out there! Summer's here and the time is right for some gossip! Just when you thought things couldn't get any weirder in the world of young starlets, they suddenly did: Lindsay Lohan is reportedly back on her way to rehab after an automobile accident allegedly involving alcohol and cocaine. It seems La Lohan is a magnet for trouble, and members of her former posse aren't faring much better. For starters, her panty-less pal Paris is soon to be sporting an orange jumpsuit. Sources close to Ms. Hilton say the troubled heiress has been reading the bible to prepare for her jail stay. We hear LiLo is on her way to Promises, a rehab center made famous recently by... Britney, of the shaved head, K-Fed, and other bad decisions. During her recent attempt at a comeback, a technical glitch revealed that the Not So Innocent One was - what else? - lip synching. Spears tried to salvage the moment by busting a ho-down move ala Ashlee Simpson. All I can say is, when you're having a "What Would Ashlee Do?" moment, it's probably time to throw in the towel. But even as Lohan is making a trip through the revolving door of Promises, her gal pal Shanna Moakler was doing anything but making excuses for the booze-addled star. From Moakler's MySpace page, we can glean the following pearls of wisdom the former Dancing With The Stars contestant chose to share: "When you [sic] making 8 million dollars a film...HIRE A DRIVER!"

I never thought I'd see the day when I'd agree with Shanna Moakler, but here we are and them pigs are a-flyin'. Shanna continued her scathing commentary by referring to Paris, Linday, et all as "the penis posse" and making apocalyptic predictions about said posse all going "down one by one" (ok, the joke is just too easy there) and ending up either in jail or rehab, while warning of dire karmic consequences.

Makes me wonder what's next for Shanna, consulting on the Left Behind series? I mean, really.

ABC's The View is soon to have an empty chair as the ever controversial Rosie O'Donnell departs, having asked for and received an early out on her contract. Will her co-hosts be sorry to see her go? After her recent on air brawl with Elisabeth Hasselbeck, O'Donnell reportedly trashed her dressing room. Oh, well, with behavior like that, she could always get a gig playing with the new Guns 'N Roses lineup. And while we're talking rock 'n roll...

Shock rocker Marilyn Manson has the entire music biz abuzz with his latest project. In the video for Heart Shaped Glasses, the first single from his upcoming album Eat Me, Drink Me, the former Mr. Dita Von Teese engages in what some set insiders have claimed to be a real sex scene with his new squeeze, nineteen year old Evan Rachel Wood. While a spokesman for the Reverend Manson denies that any real nookie took place on the set, the thirty-eight year old Manson refuses to confirm or deny anything. "It does look real," he commented when pressed for an answer. On an unrelated note, the rock star's namesake, one Charles Manson - also known as Inmate B33920 at Corcoran State Prison - was denied parole for the eleventh time last month. Hey, who says I never report any good news? Paris is going to jail, Charlie's staying in jail...somebody, pop a cork!

As if all the above weren't strange enough, there's more news from the seemingly bottomless well than is Manson. Director Tim Burton is so enamored of Manson and ex-wife Von Teese that he's currently in talks to bring the story of their ill-fated marriage to the big screen. "I'm fascinated by Dita and Marilyn," Burton said. "They're like a living Brothers Grimm fairytale."

Well, yeah, but so are Tom and Katie, and I don't see anyone rushing to put their story on the silver screen... unless...

Author Lori Culwell has certainly stirred the pot with her debut novel, Hollywood Car Wash. The plot? A young television star from the Midwest enters a contracted relationship with a mega movie hunk who's keeping a major secret. Sound familiar? Culwell refuses to confirm whether or not her story was based on the Holmes - Cruise situation, saying only that it's based on "real stories." The book has already drawn attention from a few film studios...any guess as to who might play the female lead?

Meanwhile, Katie's BFF Victoria Beckham - or Posh, as we called her back in the day - may have a new gig, and I don't mean her upcoming reality show. The rumor mill is churning double-time about the possibility of a Spice Girls reunion. The original girl power quintet is slated to release a greatest hits collection later this year... will a world tour follow? Is the planet ready for such a momentous event? What's next, the New Kids reuniting for a nation-wide tour of Burger King? Will Bobby Brown have himself voluntarily neutered? It could be a lasting tribute to the legacy of Bob Barker! Yes, I've had too much sugar. Onward...

It seems DILF (as in Dad I'd Like To...you know) Larry Birkhead is the latest to take a black eye in the unending saga of the late Anna Nicole's estate and baby-daddy woes. After parting ways with his attorney Debra Opri, Birkhead was presented with a $650,000.00 legal bill, with expenses including steak and lobster dinners for Opri as well as laundry services for Opri's husband. As for Birkhead, he issued a statement claiming that he's been out of the state of California caring for his daughter, and will be unable to return until after a final custody hearing near the end of June. Is it wrong that I want to take his side strictly because he's cute? And do I even care?

Lastly, there's no time like summer to settle in and read a steamy romance. Not only is it a blissful escape, it also happens to be good for you! According to a study reported in Woman's World, reading a romance novel causes the same physical responses as actually being in love, including lowering cortisol, a stress-related hormone. So go ahead indulge with the most sizzling and sexy reads you can find...they're all at Changeling Press!

Well, that's all for this month. Stay tuned for another round of dish next month, as I seem to be finally getting the hang of this gossip gig. In the meantime, stay safe, stay sane, and stay snarky...but don't forget the sunscreen!

Alecia Monaco