Friday Night Lament: Fuzzball 23 ...with apologies to T.S. Eliot by Fuzzball "Who knew, kits and kittens? Who knew? How difficult it is to hire just the right nanny! Once I overcame the obstacle of not having opposable thumbs it should have been easy. How difficult could it be to hire someone with slavish obedience to open cans and scratch in just the right spot?

The Hiring of Nannies is a Difficult Matter
It isn't just one of your holiday games;
You may think at first that I'm mad as a hatter
When I tell you a nanny is like three different dames.

First of all, there's the nanny
that the family wants daily,
Tend to feeding, or dusting,
ironing or laundry--
All of them sensible everyday nannies.
There are fancier things
if you think they sound sweeter,
Some for the gentlemen,
some for the dames;
Such as tidying, swiffering,
dishes, shopping--
But all of them sensible everyday nannies.

But I tell you,
a cat needs a nanny who's particular,
A nanny who is peculiar, and more dignified,
Else how can he
keep up his tail perpendicular,
Or spread out his whiskers,
or cherish his pride?

Of nannies of this kind,
I can give you a quorum, Such as Caterer, or else Masseuse--
Nannies that never belong
to more than one cat.

But above and beyond
there's still one nanny left over,
And that is the nanny that you will never guess;
The nanny
who no human research can discover--
But The Cat Himself Knows,
and will never confess.

When you notice a cat in profound meditation,
The reason, I tell you, is always the same:
His mind is engaged in rapt contemplation
Of the thought, of the thought,
of the thought of his nanny:
His ineffable effable
Effanineffable
Deep and inscrutable singular Nanny.