Juliette's Journals

Juliette's Journals (Series)
Jane Colt
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Copyright ©2022 Jane Colt

The Governess

I am the shy governess taking a walk with the handsome, widowed Lord of the manor, whom I’m desperately in love with. He is a wonderful man. Kind. Devoted to his children. Thoughtful. Generous. Tall. Strong. A beautiful, tousled mane of black hair. Dark brown eyes. A small scar on his cheek. It’s rumored to have come from a duel prompted by a salacious remark a cad made about the Master’s virtuous wife.

He still hasn’t gotten over the tragic death of his wife in a riding accident three years ago. He places fresh flowers on her grave every week. When he returns from the cemetery, he always makes some comment to the gardener about how he must be allergic to something there. But we all know his eyes are red from crying the whole time he’s there. I’m heartbroken at the sadness he still carries but pretends to have put behind him. I would do anything to bring even the smallest amount of joy to his life.

His Lordship and I are out walking as I report on his children’s progress with their lessons. We are so intent in the conversation that we don’t notice how dark the sky has gotten. It takes a fierce wind and the first drops of rain to get our attention. We’re too far away from the manor house to get there in time. It immediately starts to pour, and we’re drenched within seconds.

We manage to make it to an old stone cottage on the estate, where the Master finds blankets for each of us. He starts a fire, and we huddle on a wooden bench in front of it. Our bodies have never been this close together. His aroma is intoxicating -- rich, dark, masculine. It makes me think of being deep in the forest. I close my eyes and picture him shirtless chopping down a tree for firewood. He wields an axe commandingly, making nature bend to his will. His hard chest glistens from the perspiration. Picturing him that way makes my head spin from excitement.

Despite being wet and cold, being this close to him makes me feel warm deep inside. It also makes me ache for him the way I do when I’m in my bed wondering what it would be like to be with him. I know it’s wrong. I try to stop imagining us together, but I can’t stop myself. It makes me feel so warm and wonderful.

His Lordship has always made a point of keeping our relationship formal and appropriate. But I’ve sensed that he struggles as much as I do with a powerful, passionate attraction because I’ve sometimes caught him looking at me the way a man eyes a woman he hungers for. His dark expression unsettles me. It kindles a yearning deep inside I know should be ashamed of. I cannot pretend I don’t desire him, but when I look back with the same longing, he immediately turns away.

I am at war with myself about wanting to tell him that my heart bursts with love for him -- and my body burns with need. But if a virginal governess made such a confession, he would feel compelled to dismiss me. One of the reasons he hired me after his wife’s death is that my father is vicar of the local parish. The Master would be shocked to discover that a supposedly pious virgin burned with such sinful desires. He couldn’t allow such a wanton strumpet to be around his children.

I am in agony being so close to him. I’m trembling from my struggle to restrain myself.

The lightning flashes, the thunder cracks, the sky darkens even more, and the rain pounds down. It’s as though nature knows the wicked yearning in our hearts and is keeping us trapped together until we yield and fall into sin. My impulse to surrender to the temptation is so great, I must do something to stop myself. I stand up so abruptly it startles him.

“My lord, in the science lessons I have been giving your children recently, we have been studying the harmful effects of cold on the body.” I’m short of breath from my desire. I fear my voice is already betraying me. “Your clothes are so drenched, the longer you remain in them, the more likely you will become ill. It is critical for the welfare of all who live on your estate that you do not get sick. I will step back into the rain so you can disrobe and let the fire’s heat warm you.”

When I head for the door, he grabs my wrist...